I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was an addict.........

So, did I get you with the post title?  No, it wasn't just a trick to get you to read my entry.  And, no, I'm not secretly a heroin addict.  But, I might as well be.  For the past 3 days I have been sweating, shaking, unable to sleep much, experiencing heart palpitations, mood swings, and irritability (that's a nice way to say I am biting everyones heads off and eating their bodies for dinner).  Why is this happening?  That is an excellent question.  I think I have the answer for you, although be warned.  You may not be ready to hear this or may not want to hear this. Truth be told, I don't either but here it is.   I have been on Wellbutrin and Clonopin for at least four years for depression and anxiety.  Interestingly, I began the Clonopin to reduce the anxiety that the Wellbutrin was causing me whist battling my demons of depression.  So, here I am years later unable to make my leg stop bouncing as I write this.  Over the past 5 weeks I have slowly been weaning off of these medications.  The key to going off meds is to, 1). do so with a doctor's guidance, and 2). do so very slowly.  Okay, no problem.  I am a good little patient.  I followed the rules.  So, why on Tuesday, after having had my last doses of these meds five days previous, did I suddenly get so sick?  It started with my jaw feeling so tight and cramped that I could barely move it.  My heart was jumping out of my chest and my body was now a home for electrical shock treatment.  No, I did not go to the hospital for electric shock therapy.  No need to.  My body was doing so all by itself.  So, here I am at home with my boys and it dawns on me that this may be medication related.  Hey, I hadn't dropped dead yet so I felt fairly confident that I could cross a heart attack off my list.  It was confusing to me.  I had been off the meds completely for five days.  Why now?  Everything was going swimmingly.  In only a few days time I went from peaceful and feeling healthier than I have in over a year to being a crumpled mess.  A recommendation from my medical doctor to go back on low doses of the meds to ease the symptoms was tempting.   However, my stubborn and pure bull headedness roared louder than any medical professional could.  I then called my naturopath and once I heard  her warm, kind and supportive voice, I realized that tears were falling down my face.  Instructions to drink my detox tea, increase my lemon water, continue to take my milk thistle tincture, purchase something called oats grass tincture and to call her today if I'm feeling horrible, calmed me a bit.  This is not to say that my symptoms lessened or that I was any more pleasant to be around.  But, I made it through the night and here I am, bouncing leg and all, writing this.  2 quarts of lemon water, and 5 cups of detox tea down and despite my killer headache I know I am doing what is right.  For me.  This is, perhaps, the most important message in my post.  We all have gut feelings for a reason.  Over the years we may have lost our ability to connect with ourselves.  This happens.  However, we can all reconnect and listen.  My time to wean off medications is now.  It was not my time years ago or even 6 months ago.  Not everyone needs or wants to do this and that is okay.  The key, I think,  is for all of us to grow confident in listening to our hearts, our guts, ourselves.  If I survive the next few days of detoxing I think I will be happy I listened to mine.  I promise to let you know.